My current marriage of ten years is pretty damn awesome, but let me tell you, it is f***ing hard. I am continually amazed at the number of people who are envious at the ease of my marriage. I have many friends who swoon over my marriage and assume that because I met and married my dream guy, our union is easy, flawless, and smooth. Oh contraire! I am here to set the record straight: just because I write books about relationships and finding love, does not make me immune from having to work like hell every single day on my marriage.
Keeping my marriage bonded and passionate takes an enormous amount of work. In fact, it is downright exhausting at times!.My marriage, to a man I am absolutely crazy about, is a complete roller coaster of highs, lows, adoration, dislike, annoyances, pleasures, irritation, bliss, and desire.
In contrast, my former marriage of twenty-five years was very easy. It was a piece of cake so to speak. There were no arguments, no bickering, and oh yes, no sex. Things were easy as we glided through the years together for a quarter of a century. My first marriage was relaxed and involved absolutely no effort to keep it together. We just coasted through the years, as husband and wife, on autopilot. We shared a life that was (more…)
We women have it all wrong when it comes to dating. As, women, we tend to be quite compliant with the traditional rules of dating. You know the rules: You meet a guy. Things are going well after the second or third date. You have sex with him. He wants you to be exclusive with him. You take yourself out of the dating scene and Boom! Just like that you are now committed to one person as you venture through years (gasp!) of auditioning for the desired role as your new boyfriend’s eventual wife.
Now, I know he is auditioning for you as well, and somewhere in the foreseeable future, he may get the boot from you, but what if you really like this guy? What if you think, “He’s the One?” Well then, as tradition has it, you will continue to be his girlfriend, keep interviewing for the position of “Wife,” provide him with plenty of free sex and then wait. And wait. And wait. I’m sure you get my point. You wait until he is damn good and ready (if ever) to get on bended knee and pop the question.
But what if we women were to switch things up just a bit? What if women took back control of the direction their life is going to go? What if we women put our lives on our own timeline so that our partner does not decide our life calendar for us? (more…)
I love a good breakup. Sure, a breakup can come with a ton of emotions, most of them gut wrenching, tear producing, “How will I survive this,” kind of pain. In the long run, however, a breakup can be a beautiful thing for both parties. A break up is an opportunity to reassess your relationship goals and redirect your life. A breakup is a do over, something we get very few chances to do in life. A breakup is a chance to venture out of your comfort zone and rearrange the way you live love.
Breakups are beautiful, refreshing, and oh, so empowering. I mean, let’s face it: Something was not working in your relationship that caused it to end. As bummed out and pain stricken as you may be, I assure you that you can and will survive your breakup. In fact, your breakup is actually a very exciting time in your life!. Why? Because, now is the time to reinvent yourself. Now is the time to grab your life by the nap of the neck and shake things up. The new you will emerge as a positive, desirable, self-assured single that is about to start an exciting journey to find the next love of your life. (more…)
While driving down the freeway recently, I stumbled upon a radio talk show host and listened in dismay as she praised the virtues of “Comfort Love.” If you were anywhere near my car, you likely heard me screaming at the radio and shaking my head at the misguided message she was sending to her listeners. Why was I so distraught during her testimonial to comfort in your relationship? Because “Comfort Love” as she called it, is not, I repeat, not, a good thing for your relationship.
The message being broadcast by the host suggested that once the “Honeymoon Phase” of dating and marriage wore off, couples should slip into the next phase of their relationship labeled, “The Comfort Phase.” But here’s the problem: too much comfort in your relationship is a dangerous and risky ingredient to add to the batter of love. Getting too comfortable in your marriage is when problems begin to mount in your relationship. When effort to maintain the marital connection is replaced by comfort and indifference, your relationship can slowing start to crumble. Taking your partner for granted is the biggest complaint I receive about fraying marriages.
I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me, (more…)
Warning: Too much happiness and love in your life could cost you.
Yes, it’s true: Your newfound bliss may be harmful to a few of your friendships. As crazy as it may sound, your happiness will likely cost you a friend or two. You may even lose contact with a few family members as your renewed happiness begins to blossom. You know that ray of positive energy that has been bouncing around you lately? Well, some people are not going to like it. And you know what? That’s ok. (more…)