Warning: Too much happiness and love in your life could cost you.
Yes, it’s true: Your newfound bliss may be harmful to a few of your friendships. As crazy as it may sound, your happiness will likely cost you a friend or two. You may even lose contact with a few family members as your renewed happiness begins to blossom. You know that ray of positive energy that has been bouncing around you lately? Well, some people are not going to like it. And you know what? That’s ok.
I am giving you fair warning: If you take charge of the direction your life is headed and seek out satisfying love and happiness, it will cost you. Why? Because certain people in your life are not going to be supportive of your journey. Why? Because they are not fulfilled and you getting to experience a newfound feeling of happiness, makes them, well, jealous.
There are going to be a few people in your life that really liked you better when you were in living in a drab and passionless rut of love. There are going to be a few people who actually took pleasure in your dismal love life. The stalled love zone you were stuck in made their depressed love zone seem, well, not so depressing. Hearing about your jerk of a boyfriend/husband made their jerk of a boyfriend/husband seem like less of a jerk. Your passionless and sexless love life made them feel better about their less than incredible love life.
When I made the decision to end my 25-year marriage, a portion of my circle of friends and family changed. The change was not intentional by any means. In fact, although divorced, I fully intended to continue my long time friendships and close family ties I enjoyed while I was married. However, sometimes in life, decisions are made for you. The auto-made decisions in life are the decisions I have learned to embrace. I have learned to treasure the people who support and encourage my happiness. I have also learned to ignore and almost feel sorry for the people who liked me better when I was miserable.
The change of my inner circle was necessary because as time went on, it became obvious to me that my happiness bothered some folks. I had changed. I had grown. I had bettered my life. I took a chance and rearranged my life puzzle. And, frankly, certain people I had known for most of my life did not like it. In fact, it pissed them off. My happiness angered some people so much that they started to shun me. They talked behind my back. Frankly, it really irritated them to see me so happy and in love.
It was so puzzling to me how several of my friends were not rejoicing in my newfound happiness! In fact, I even had a few family members who were not very pleased about my happiness. I pondered this phenomenon for quite some time before I came to the conclusion: The haters of my happiness were not happy with their own lives. And damn it, if they are not happy, I should not be happy either!
One exchange I had with a lifelong friend went something like this: “I cannot believe you left your marriage. It’s just not right. Now, everything is messed up,” she said. “What is not right about it?” I curiously answered. “It’s not right because we do everything as a foursome and now I will have to be miserable without you. I just don’t understand why do you get to be happy and I don’t?” she said, with tears in her eyes. When I told her she, too, could venture out of her mundane rut and loveless marriage or work to fix her marriage, we never spoke again. My “friend” was a hater of my happiness and a lover of her misery.
Another long time friend asked me if I was happy during a lengthy phone conversation. When I answered, “Yes!” she hung up the phone. As in, HUNG UP ON ME. Ten years later, my “friend” and I still have not reconnected. Another dear friend bared her soul to me as she announced we needed to end our friendship: “I cannot be friends with you Michelle because I cannot handle your happiness.” Wait. What? My happiness made her sad? How could that be?
Here’s the deal: Losing a couple of “friends” in your pursuit of a fabulous life is a small price to pay! During my journey, I came to the realization certain people are just content to be unhappy. The old saying, “Misery loves company” is a very true and fitting statement. These same people want to grow old and complain about their unfilled life. They want to complain about their lack of desire for sex and their distaste for their partner. More importantly, they want you to complain with them! When you no longer participate in their club of discontent, your “friend” will frown upon your bliss.
On the flip side, you will keep and flourish the real friendships and relationships of the people who truly want you to be happy. They will marvel at your newfound zest for life. They will encourage you and support your journey to love. You may even inspire a friend or relative to make a change in his or her own life. Either way, they will stand by you and truly take in your happiness. Stay focused on the people in your life who accept your journey without judgment and truly care about your wellbeing. Never, ever, apologize for your blissful, happy, love-soaked life! Embrace those who truly love you and want nothing but good things in your life. Your happiness is a beautiful thing!